Top 10 – Foods

Top Ten Things I’ve Put in My Mouth (besides my own body parts)

By Flash

10.  The cat’s rump (why wait for the cat poop to fall out and get covered with sand?)

9.  Bees (not for long, though)

8.  Feathers (from the cat’s toy.  BTW difficult to spit out gracefully.)

7.  $10 bill.  Nina took it away, but told me to go find more.

6.  Tequila.  (Pronounced “to kill ya”)  I walked funny afterwards.

5.  (Tie) Raspberries and limes.  The people seemed to be enjoying them, but I just don’t get it.

4.  An entire rib-eye steak.  All at once.  They wouldn’t give it to me, so I had to steal it from the table while their backs were turned.  Not a small feat, when you have 4 inch legs.

3.  Harry Potter.  Not the person, the book.  I ate chapter one.  Voldemort gave me indigestion.

2.   Grass.  Smells better than it tastes.  Looks the same coming out as going in.  No matter which end it comes out.

1.  (Drum roll, please)  Chewing Gum.  Smelled so good I rolled in it too.  As an added bonus, I got the best haircut EVER when we got home.

Thinking and writing is hard work. I need to rest.


12 thoughts on “Top 10 – Foods

  1. Dear Flash

    Bees are also one of my favourites. However as a German Shepherd I am fussy about what I eat… not just going to eat any sort of crap ya know!

    I have also been taught that dog food and human food has no connection, unless it is the end of the humans meal and the plates are being cleared.

    Ambassador Schonheit

    PS: : averts eyes at full frontal dog-hood :

    • Ambassador,

      German Shepherds are so cool! We corgis have no self control, especially when it comes to food. There are no lines we will not cross. And my humans won’t give me food when clearing the plates, something about the vet bill that came that time I got butter. That’s why I have to figure out how to get their food for myself.


      PS: No need to avert your eyes. My boy bits have been surgically removed. Very noticable now that the groomer shaved my belly.

    • Freud would have a heyday with this one, and the things he puts in his mouth. I cut enough things off the list to get it down to 10 that there may be a “part 2” in the future!

  2. Dear Flash,
    I realize that your lack of fingers likely requires you to “feel” things by putting them in your mouth, but surely after the first time you “felt” a bee or a cat butt, you realized that some things are better left alone.
    Here’s hoping you limit your oral intake to dog treats and the finest cuts of beef.

    • I think I must be a slow learner, because I seem to keep trying things again and again. Beef is my favorite, although I’ve been contemplating ways to get me some chicken bones. They smell sooooooooo fine!

    • Ambassador,

      Cake, no.

      Aunt Chris tried to give me smoked pork butt (are there 3 better words together on the whole planet?!?!?) but Nina the Tyrant caught her. I did get a few potato chips from Grandma. And I managed to drink some of the beer people left in my reach. But the best part was all the kids. They left little trails of food everywhere! All kinds of yummy things! And they thought I was helping to clean up, so I got all kinds of praise and loves. All in all, a successful hunt.


      PS: I tried to sneak into the car with grandma and grandpa last night to go home to Montana with them, but Cousin Ian told on me and Nina tricked me back into the house by offering me bacon.

      • Flash… seriously buddy you need to realise that bacon is Nina’s (not very) secret weapon to force you into a state of compliance…

        …dude you fall for it every time!

        The Ambassador

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