Apparently there is a TV series about the work that the royal family does in the UK. I watched an episode last night, and was astounded to learn the role the Queen’s Corgis play in her daily work life. Therefore I have decided on the following:
In this household, I am the Queen. Everything you need to know begins and ends with that fact. You will precede me to every event, thereby announcing that I am coming and everyone should be prepared to worship me. You are to roll over, sit, beg, shake, or do whatever else it takes to give people the impression that I myself are young and agile, and detract from the fact that I am really old and busted. You will entertain the throngs of people for hours on end, thereby convincing people that I am working hard and erase all doubt that I should be compensated beyond all measure for having 400 people to tea. You will come when you are called, so that all acknowledge my supreme authority in my own household. And above all, you will let your pedigree shine so that the masses are not left to question the quality of my own breeding as if I am a simple hillbilly from Montana.