Oh, Flash…

Flash vs. Physics:

Physics: A dog resembling a loaf of bread with 4 inch legs should not be able to scale a 3-foot counter.
Flash: Managed to retrieve a 2 quart Tupperware container of trail mix from said counter.

Physics: Opposable thumbs are required to open Tupperware.
Flash: Managed to pry open said container and retrieve the contents.

Physics: 2 quarts of trail mix should not fit in a Corgi’s stomach.
Flash: *burp*

Physics: 2 quarts of trail mix should not create more than 2 quarts of poop.
Flash: Ate the trail mix 3 days ago. It’s the gift that keeps on giving.

Physics: A 40 pound dog who poops more than 40 pounds should disappear.
Flash: Still here, bigger than life.

Flash 5, Physics 0.



11 thoughts on “Oh, Flash…

  1. You forgot:
    Physics: Food should be digested in the stomach and no longer resemble food once excreted in the form of poop.
    Flash: Poops out whole, undigested sunflower seeds and peanuts.

    When will I be blessed with the opportunity to dog-sit for you again? *shudder*

  2. Physics: E=MC2-P What we have to understand here is the eat-mass-content-poop equivalence, which is the concept that the mass (M) of a dog and the food that it eats (E) has a direct measure of the content (C) squared (2) of its eventual output or poop (P). For instance, adding 2 quarts of trail-mix from the potential energy contained within a tupperware container to any object (in this case a dog) increases its mass. If you (or in this case the dog) continue to add trail mix eventually the overall mass will need to escape in the form of poop (P). If you had a sensitive enough eat-mass-content-poop balance or scale, this eat-mass-content-poop ratio of the object (or in this case the dog) could be verified.
    However, in the case of Flash such accurate scientific measurement is probably unlikely.

    Ambassador Schonheit

    • Ambassador,

      Great. Now Nina wants me to poop in a sack so this theory can be tested.


      PS. Thomas Paine wrote his pamphlets during the American Revolution by sitting down with a pen and paper, and a bottle of whiskey. When the whiskey was gone, the pamphlet was done. I’m guessing your bottle of whiskey was just about empty by the time you finished writing that response.

  3. Flash, don’t worry. You only somewhat resemble a loaf of bread. And it would be a perfectly proportioned loaf of white, non-sliced. Perhaps a large loaf variety like Texas toast. I doubt, however, that you smell like freshly baked bread…with you producing 40 pounds of poop and all. Bravo on the Spiderman moves, by the way. It’s amazing what you can accomplish with stubby legs.

  4. I can totally relate to this post, having turned my back to wash the dogs’ dinner dishes, while forgetting to put the lid on the dog food kibble barrel ! When I turned around, our pug Sarah’s rump & coiled tail was sticking out of it. Went through a lot of poopy bags the next few days!
    Oh, another of your followers, Rachel Mankowitz, listed your blog as one of her favorites; that’s how I found out about you. Flash, if your human likes dog stories (besides yours), have her check out mine: http://www.maijaharrington.com. It’s where I’m posting chapters from my book-in-progress, “Funny Tails: Adventures and Misadventures in Living with Pugs. It’s a lighthearted look at life with 3 of our own pugs plus pugs we’ve fostered for Pug Rescue of North Carolina. Lots of folks think it’s pretty funny. Regardless, I’ll be following your blog!

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