Help!


Dear Hope,

Let me start by saying, you need give Nina some grandchildren. Soon. Or maybe it’s time to just put her in a home.

I was so excited this afternoon when she invited me for a walk in the park. It all started out just fine – me doing my Happy Dog Dance at the door, Nina rummaging in the bench seat for poopy sacks. I had my usual *ahem* “constitutional” as soon as we got in the park, and pranced like a Lipizzaner pony to attract attention and collect pats on the head. When we got to the playground, though, there was an ugly and unexpected turn of events. She put ME on the jungle gym. There was an awkward moment when she tried to push my rotund rumpus down the slide. Things got downright dangerous when she completely ignored the fact that I DON’T HAVE ANY THUMBS and tried to suspend me from the monkey bars.

I think the ol’ girl’s done gone ’round the bend a little bit.

Help!

Flash

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9 thoughts on “Help!

  1. Dear Flash,

    She’s been this nuts all 28 years that I’ve known her. But she also gives you food, buys you toys (even though you destroy them in 30 seconds flat), rubs your belly, and provides you with cats to torment…so really, being forced down the slide in the park every now and then is a pretty good trade-off. Don’t ya think? 😀

    Hope

    P.S. How many of those leaves did you bark at and chase?

    • Dear Hope,

      A. I chased and baked at every one of those pesky leaves. At present, they’re trying to take over the world!

      B. Does Ninamite have to beat you over the head with the “Duh!” bat? You could have stopped reading at the first sentence.

      Love, Flash

  2. I read this post to me corgi Ficus. He wants you to forward the following message to flash.
    Dear Flash,
    You should have taken the sliding board: Going down those steps you are going to drag your, well never mind but trust me on this one.
    Sincerely, Ficus

    • Ambassador,

      Funny thing is, when there are kids in the playground I tug and tug at the leash to go sniff all of them (their butts are just the right height for a corgi), but she won’t let me go. Then today, when there were no kids around, she drags me over and makes me get on the slide.

      New Zealand sounds better and better all the time.

      Flash

  3. Dear Flash,
    Hang in there. People get silly sometimes. She’ll come back to her senses soon. Maybe she can borrow somebody’s grandkids to take to the park? Maybe I could lend you ours the next time they come over.
    -Denman

    • Denman,

      For reals? Grandkids? Kids are my favorite thing to herd. They’re just a little scarce around here at the moment. Unless you count my girlfriends across the street. But they just want to dress me in tutus and pink ribbons and give me kisses.

      Flash

      P.S. Don’t worry. I escape by pooping when they get the lipstick out.

      • Flash,
        Grandkids are great. Especially when they let me clean up after their lunches. Lucky for me ours are a little bigger, and the smallest one we have is a boy. No tutus here.
        I’m glad you have an escape plan in place, though. That’s important.
        -Denman

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